I don’t do double dates!

September 30, 2021 at 9:47 pm | 3 years ago

My close friend is constantly inviting me and my wife out for double dates with his girlfriend. He’s very proud of the new relationship he’s in. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s great and I’m very happy for him, but as a middle-age married man of many years I’m just not feeling the going-out scene anymore. When I do go out, I prefer an intimate setting with just my wife. I don’t really care for the extra companionship. I’m perfectly satisfied being at home with wifey in chill mode. How do I tell him without giving off the signals of being anti-social?


Dear Lance,

Congratulations on your long and happy marriage! That’s no easy feat. I suspect your relationship is a model your friend aspires to, which is why he values having his girlfriend in the company of you and your wife.

You’re no stranger to relationships, so you know it’s about give and take. Consider giving him a once-a-year outing where the four of you get together. It could be something simple or a special, planned event that he could look forward to. Then take care of your needs by communicating exactly what you told me, “I prefer an intimate setting with just my wife.” Maybe add, “that’s how we’ve made it work for us all these years.” Not only is that a subtle nugget of wisdom for your marriage success, it also shows him you’re being considerate of your friendship as well as your marriage. That’s not anti-social, and any reasonable person should see that. Hopefully you’ll strike the balance your seeking.

Yours truly,

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